After trying really hard to get to a point where I didn't have so many epic fails to talk about, I think I've gotten to a point in my life where failure is not so terrifying anymore, but still ever present. Take this blog for example, which has been re-booted no less than three times. (Ahem, sorry for the dusty page, folks) but nonetheless, I'm back again, if only for myself. I've been trying to figure out if feel I have something worthwhile to say again, without being a misery Mona, but then I looked back at old posts, and realized that that's what some of you like about me. (Misery and company, yadda yadda yadda). So I thought, maybe it's okay that I still haven't worked out all my kinks, and I still bitch and moan about life. At least now I know why I'm kinky, (okay, that didn't come out the way I meant it to). I've accepted that I suffer from depression, I've accepted that it will never entirely go away, and I've accepted that I have to live my life anyway, the best way I can. Which may mean posting one of these every month or every couple of years. Cause, you know life. Today was a good day, which put me in a mind to write for the first time in a while, because I had a thought. Or rather I had someone else's thought. "What would you do if you knew you could not fail?" Robert Schuller. If you type that quote in you get an abundance of wise sayings from Old Bob, a fairly famous clergyman if his Brainy Quote webpage is anything to go by (just so's you know, that's where a lot of my quotes come from to give credit where credit is due. Don't steal...the NSA is watching.) But I had a different thought today, because inspirational quotes are also so often insipid. What would you do if you knew you could not fail- that's stupid. Everybody knows at some point in your life you will fail. That's kinda how life works- it cocks a leg back and hits you right in the Thatcher's at least once and probably more than once (and if you don't know what Thatchers are, look it up, but for heaven's sake don't look at anything else there). And that's okay, because pain is how humans learn because we are stupid as fudge. I said it, humans are stupid, (or at least many of the ones I know, and please believe I don't leave myself out of this equation. ) But the wonderful thing about humans is that we can learn, and we learn from mistakes. So failure is good (at least that's my current validation. ) So the question should really be, "What will you do when you fail?" That at least gives you permission to admit that failure is possible, that it will happen to you, and more importantly, it gives you permission to plan for what happens beyond failure. Failure is scary, and it's supposed to be. But scary things give us power when we overcome them. There is power in overcoming our little rat brain that says there are things in the dark (and there are). But how addicting is it when you overcome you fear and venture into the dark and discover the stars. I imagine that's what early humans were like, huddling in caves, staring into fires, waiting anxiously till morning (I got all this from the movie the Croods by the way- looked like solid anthropology to me. ) And then one day someone manned up (or Thatcher up), braved the darkness, slipped outside the cave, looked up...and discovered the universe. Let today or someday soon, be the day you embrace fear and discover your hidden world.
Failure doesn't mean you are a failure; it just means you haven't succeeded yet.
Robert H. Schuller
Robert H. Schuller