Just a quick note for all the readers out there in the black hole of the interwebs- Merry ChrismaHanKwanzaakah, Festival of Lights and what have you. This is a very different holiday season for me than last years. While I came home, my life wasn't here anymore and it gave the holidays a very different feel- no less nostalgic but certainly a nostalgia seen from a different perspective. Seeing the holiday from the Japanese view point actually wasn't that startling-because truth be told much of America treats Christmas like a day of relaxed ... not morals, but attitudes as well. And there's nothing wrong with that. I think the problem for a lot of holiday Scrooges is the insistence by so many that the holidays are supposed to bring out in us a kind of spirit that is not seen the rest of the year and for those of us who suffer from what might be a marginal form of holiday seasonal disorder, this bipolarity is grating ( as is the continual barrage of Christmas music from young children, particularly men who would have, as recently as the Renaissance, been castrated to keep those sweet voices pure. Now, doesn't that just make you want to sing Silent Night?) At any rate, the disparity between what we're told we should feel at this time of year and what we actually feel can be dispiriting. Perhaps its time for a more realistic view of the holidays- that it isn't the only time we symbolically come home, but it is a time when we're not alone in doing so. If nothing else, it can give one that extra push to be kinder that we all know deep in our hearts we should always have. If you need an excuse this year to try one more time to come home, this is as good as any and it doesn't take much. The tinsel, and wrapping paper, eggnog and sweets don't have to obscure the real message- or the real objective that we're all searching for. Tonight I stood outside in the freezing cold, and searched the skies for a sign- a feeling that there was still something magical about the season that we all as children loved. What I saw was... a space station--floating across the sky. So much for magic reindeer. But I wasn't too disappointed. After all, I never did believe in Saint Nick. But I realized that while I was searching the stars, the magic was already happening. I was surrounded by darkness, but even in that night I was also surrounded by family... and the stars. I hope you find yourself safe at home this holiday, wherever you are, surrounded by whatever gives you faith in magic again. Happy Holidays.
"This is my wish for you: peace of mind, prosperity through the year, happiness that multiplies, health for you and yours, fun around every corner, energy to chase your dreams, joy to fill your holidays!"
So, I know I've been a little lax ab about posting, but I've been busy. No, really- I've been busy. It seems like the Fates have finally heard me (God, please don't let me jinx it!), and suddenly all the things I've been waiting for are, if not right at my fingertips, getting ready to happen and happen fast. I finally rented my house, which means soon ( within weeks, actually) I'll be moving and making some real decisions about my life plan for the next few years. I've also (ta-dah!) managed to convince someone that I am in fact a mature, responsible person who is capable of supervising others. (Yeah, I know- I can't believe they fell for it either.) So, in this holiday season, it looks like I will be getting everything I was hoping for for the first time in a while. Oh, and lest I forget, I also just published my first book (remember back when I told you back in October it would be finished for December? Just in time for Christmas presents? Well it's done-hint, hint.) For the first time in a while, I'm proud of myself. I struggled through depression because I couldn't get a job, I felt like a freeloader and I wasn't sure where I could go next. Now finally, there's something concrete for me to work on, to get back into my element. I know in the past I've talked about finding your own way, and believing that it can work out for you. But I have no problem with saying it again, because in the end, it's true. Never have I felt so unsettled about my situation, but at the same time I knew, I had to believe- that I had the experience that someone was looking for, the attitude, the background, and more importantly, I had to believe that I had the strength to keep looking for the next opportunity, whatever it might be. I hope that despite the troubles we've all been facing this year, that you keep hope alive in the next and know, really know, that all your dreams can come true.
“Patience is waiting. Not passively waiting. That is laziness.
But to keep going when the going is hard and slow - that is patience.”
P.S. You won't have to be patient with me much longer- blog posts will be back on a regular schedule as soon as I get settled!