I am terrified about my future, nauseous, stressed out, and would like nothing more than to be unconscious for longer than the, barely, six hours of sleep I get every night. I would like to be led by the hand to the next job, my future, whatever is coming, because right now, I simply can't see it on my own. There are too many variables, and every one feels like it is so crucial, that if I make the tiniest mistake, I will forever, explosively, f*** up my life . If I were a mouse, the future would be a snake, hypnotizing and petrifying me, and right now, licking its chops. I have never felt more like the underdog. (Ok- not true, I often feel like the underdog. Then I get over it till the next crisis. Which happens to be now.)
All I can do, is what I can do. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, take the punches like (if you'll pardon the metaphor) like a man. I feel like Homer Simpson in that episode where he gets into boxing. Dumb as he is, he simply couldn't be knocked down- (mostly because he had a layer of fat around his brain, which protected him from too much brain damage. I know. I find our similarities quite startling as well).
I'm not a powerhouse. I can't give life a roundhouse blow. I'm about as powerful as a kitten batting a piece of string. But at least I can stand. It's the best thing I can do- maybe the only thing I can do right now, till I get a better feel for the ring. Life is a struggle, a fight to the death. Maybe I couldn'ta been a contenda' (notice my Rocky accent), maybe I'm a small fry. But even the best has been known to choke in the clutch and let the underdog win. I'll stay in the fight. I'll take those odds. I'll keep going- it's the only thing I know how to do. It's the only way to win.*