Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Plus Ca Change...? The Heck With That! or :If It Ain't One Thing, It's Another...and That's Okay

"The more things change, the more they stay the same."  What a crock. Since returning home, it's true that I've come across a lot of things on my nostalgia tour.   Same town, same streets, same students,( yeeeeah, saw a couple of them at the local grocery store. Talk about awwwkward!)  Everywhere I go is the same... except for me.  It's weird.  People  are so happy to see me when we meet by chance on the street, but when they ask how I'm doing or what I'm doing ( which at present is nothing, but don't fret, dear readers- I mean after all, it does allow me to spend more time with you. Aren't you happy?), I find myself at a loss for words. How do I explain what I've been through, and how it's changed me to people who are still perfectly content right where I left them? I My experience doesn't show on my face (except for a few less stress lines than I used to show.  And apparently, a little weight loss from a year long diet of fish and rice. Anyone interested in financing a great new diet idea?)  For a year and a day (poetically speaking) I've been separated from the life I had always known...and to be honest, haven't missed it a bit. In fact, I'm more eager than ever to go again-not necessarily abroad but away... away from the people who thought they knew what I was capable of, and who still can't believe I've accomplished what I have, or that I want more. Away from a town that always seemed charming, but too big and  is now only one of the millions of charming places I could be seeing and in comparison to some I have seen- not so big afterall. Away from my own expectations. I thought I would be able to fit back in smoothly, that coming home would be as easy as shucking off a kimono and slipping back on my southern accent.  But it's not. It's  rather more like ( gross metaphor to follow- you have been warned!!) like a snake shedding it's skin, or an insect shedding it's exoskeleton....or maybe just a butterfly coming out of a cocoon. I spent a year away from the real world and for awhile I've felt like I was struggling to get back into my cocoon, and suddenly it occurred to me that I don't really want to go back there and I don't have to. Whew, what a load off! did it really just occur to me that I don't have to be what I was before, just because I am where I was before? Sadly, in the turmoil of moving back home, and starting to settle in, yes.  Happily, it didn't take too long before I remembered that settling is the last thing I want to do in life. I've been back in the home of the free, and land of the brave for about two and a half weeks.  Last time, I was here for thirty two years. Guess I'm a slow learner, but eventually I get there. I don't have to stress about where I'm going to be or what I'm going to do, next.  Everything I've ever needed has always been provided for me (including a swift kick to the butt, when needed). Change is growth and chaos is the fertilizer that feeds it. (Yeah, I  bet you like that spider metaphor a whole lot better than this fertilizer one, huh?)  But it's good to remember that  an old dog can still learn some new tricks or at least  new attitudes.  See? Sometimes things really do change for the better.

Garuda from Andres Salaff on Vimeo.

1 comment:

  1. Oh Dee, I'm totally there with you sis. It is so hard to be so full up of a new world, and be around nothing but folks planted in the old one. Wanting to scream "There's more than this!" and finding no one who will listen. Trips to the states are becoming fewer and shorter on my end, b/c it just gets harder everytime. I wish you luck and light in your homestay. And you probably already know that there are always opportunities out there for people who want to travel, if that is what you decide to do again.



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