Tuesday, September 15, 2009

It's Written In The Stars

Lots of nights here in Japan, I stare at the stars, wondering, how the hell did I get here? The nights here are a good time for reflection, since the days are so busy. Days I spend smiling, kow-towing (no offense), sometimes planning, sometimes teaching, but mostly trying to fit in, as much as any gaijin can here. I think my normalcy reassures them. But inside, the diva is waiting to break out. I don’t know if I can make it a year without letting someone have some ‘tude. But looking at the stars is peaceful. They’re magnificent here- less light pollution. And from the top of a mountain, they’re larger and more luminous than I have ever seen them. The stars have always had the power to make us feel both insignificant and indispensible. Small though humans are, we are a part of the wheeling pattern that we see reflected in the stars above. Somehow, I will find my part of the pattern here in Japan… and everywhere. This isn’t the first time I’ve wondered why I’m here and where I’m going and it won’t be the last. Japan is one stop on the journey to discovering the answer. It is teaching me all the ways in which I am willing to bend and those points which are for me, non-negotiable. It is teaching me how little I know- (ever tried using a Japanese ATM?) and how flexible I can be- (coaching shot put when the kids can’t understand you requires a great deal of creativity). Being here makes me feel both ancient at times, and newborn- the perpetual state of humanity. So I guess I really do fit in somewhere- with the rest of humanity, struggling to find worth in the struggle, to live and not just survive, to appreciate every new surprise that every morning brings after the darkest of nights. Like all humans before me , I have a destiny. It’s written in the stars. All I have to do....is look up.

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