Monday, October 19, 2009

Love's Labour Lost (Not) or DIY:Checking out of Heartbreak Hotel!

They say a surefire way to get over one heartbreak is to engage in the next one. As in find the next guy or gal, the next experience, the next high- anything that numbs the feeling of heartbreak you’re currently experiencing. You know, that salt rubbed in an open wound in your chest feeling? Yeah, that one. How many of us have engaged in the Hokey Pokey with someone just to feel better about ourselves, and ended up feeling worse? (Raise your hands please. Yes, you too.) How many of us have done it more than once? (Just an informal poll, if you please-if you’ve done it more than twice, I weep for you and hope you get help. Seriously.*) Sometimes, it takes awhile for us to learn. (How did we get to be the dominant species anyway? Oh yeah, that whole thumbs thing.) Anyway, when you find yourself singing sad songs and roaming the streets looking for Heartbreak Hotel and mooning over what coulda, shoulda, woulda been ( but wasn’t- face reality, people, it really wasn’t), take a detour instead and spend some time outside yourself-( no matter how hard that may be, because Lord knows, you’re fascinating,) and take a long hard look at why you are where you are. This is a hard endeavor. It takes a lot to look at ones deepest, inner self and feel neither revulsion or pride. Neither of those emotions is particularly helpful in being a good human being, and yet millions of us continue to wallow in them. The best way to look at yourself, is the way we should look at everyone, with ultimate compassion and love. It’s a hard trick to master- most of us are so used to looking for validation outside ourselves, and we do so in unhealthy ways- through money, power, celebrity or infamy. None of us are happy being who we are, alone, so we cling together, and when we cling together, we do so in a muddle of unhappiness and wonder why we can’t escape. Seriously, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. If you want to take over the world- your inner world, that is, you have to, like Apple computers “think different” (ly-sorry, bad grammar gets to me.) For every wrinkle in your brain trained to think misery makes you a good human being, you need to think a positive thought a hundred times before your brain will un-entrench itself and move onto a new path. For every time you castigate yourself for making one bad decision after another in love, you need to praise yourself for having the courage to love in the first place, and the intelligence to learn from that experience. For every wound carved on your heart, give yourself one gold sticker until your wall is covered in them. Wear a tattoo that reads “Takes a lickin’ and keeps on tickin’.” Be a bad ass Wounded Love Warrior. Just don’t curl up and die. Never, never, never say die.

*BTW, you're welcome to join my therapy group. I'll be the one wearing a sticker that says "Hello, My name is Dee and I'm a Love Addict."


  1. Another key part to inner peace is learning to forgive. Acknowledge then forgive the mistakes made and move forward, keeping an eye
    out for those signs along the path that say "this way to certain doom."

  2. I think we're all love addicts to some degree, but we need to guard our hearts first and foremost and ensure that we have found the right person to share said love with. ;-)



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