Saturday, December 5, 2009

I Love You Because I Know No Other Way....

I have been stumbling awkwardly to find my purpose in this life for quite some time. And if one more person says “All you need is love”, they will die. Because they’re right- but nobody likes a know-it-all.
 “All you need is love.”
Our purpose here is clear. And so, too, our path to achieve our purpose-as clear as mud. If love is the end all, be all, how can you measure if you have achieved your goal? Love is all encompassing- and that means that it includes the types of love that would make even the most liberal of us a tad…uncomfortable. And if it can include all of that- and you still can’t find love- what does that mean? I wish I knew the answer to all things-life, the universe and everything.*

(Ed. Note-the answer is… 42. Thanks Douglas Adams!)

But if I know nothing else, I know this-the question is often its own answer. If you are trying to love and be loving- then you are on the right path. That doesn’t mean that everything we call love is love. And some things you do lovingly have negative effects. And some things people call loving are just plain inappropriate. But who am I to judge? I don’t have memorized the paths of the human heart. And I can’t read your heart’s intentions. But we all know love when we see it. And we know how good it feels when we’re in it- in love that is. (And not the sappy cupid kind either!) Being truly in love and truly loving others-getting in touch with the “big vibration”, being a part of it all- whatever “it” turns out to be. Call it home- because Home is that place where all things begin (began) and love has no end. Call it love, God, call it what you will- we all just want to go home again.

In the end, I know that in order to go “home” I will need a partner, someone to rely on, to trust, who will defend me and whom I will defend- because these are the ultimate lessons of love and I won’t be ready to go back until I have learned them all.

To trust-knowing that not everyone can be trusted.

To rely on someone else- when you would rather do for yourself, even when you know that you are not the most reliable yourself.

To defend- yourself and those you care about. And to widen your definition of who you care about.

I know that in the end I will find the answers I’m looking for- in this lifetime or another. I have decided that I am tired of playing the martyr- of taking on burdens that are not my own-instead of the one that is-the burden of learning to love. I know that I am not alone and I will not be alone forever, because my partners and friends are out there. To them I write this brief letter of introduction, knowing that when we meet (if we have not already)  we will already truly know and love one another and that in them I will achieve my purpose- I will find my home.

Dear loved one,

You may not remember me. But I have always known you were out there. I have lived my life in the hopes of meeting you –re-meeting you. Because this is not the first time we have known and loved one another. Before all things began, we were one. I have journeyed to find you, because you are my other half. I have been awkward no matter where I go, because I was missing you and your presence. I have struggled to keep the faith and find my purpose, believing that I was failing in some greater destiny without realizing that my only destiny was to find you. There will never be anything greater than the connecting of our souls once again. My purpose is surely to find you. To love you. To journey with you. And I don’t know where we’ll go. Only that it matters that I go there with you, at my side- at my back and in my heart. I have loved you and love you still- in this life and every other. And in every turn of the wheel to come, I will continue to love you. Because you are a part of me. Until me meet again, and for the first time, I remain

Sincerely yours,

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